Samurai Birthday Surprises
by obsidians
Summary: Ranma and the other boys hold a boy's night in honour of Kuno's eighteenth birthday at Akane's insistence and Ryoga is left in charge of picking up the present and decides to rent some entertainment for the party instead in the form of two Samurai girls and Kuno proves to be a clueless as ever. Don't worry it is just a silly lemonless quick fic that I decided to post.
RYOGA ON THE LAM IN NERIMA...HOPEFULLY

Ryoga was strolling past a store when he saw a poster in the window that read; Entertainment for Hire; Samurai Girls. His eyes almost popped out of his head at the suggestive picture on it and curious, he pushed open the door.

"That poster in your window. Could you please tell me what that is all about?" He asked the man at the front desk.

"It's very simple, two girls are hired to perform for special events; like birthday parties or stag parties. Now we run a clean show; it is topless dancing only with no extras and the girls are _not_ to be touched. The girls come, perform their act, give the special person a kiss on the cheek and then leave unmolested by anyone" he explained.

"It sounds perfect. How much does it cost?" Ryoga asked. The man quoted the price. Ryoga frowned as it would take most of what they had budgeted for a gift, but he thought the birthday boy would enjoy this _much_ more. Making a judgment call; Ryoga pulled out the envelope of money that had written on it in large kanji, "intended for Kuno's gift; do not spend on anything else!" and said, "would you have a pair of girls available for tonight?"

"It's a bit short notice but we should be able to manage that" the man concurred.

"Sorry to be fussy, but the guest of honour seems to have a thing for girls with hourglass figures. Would you have a couple of girls like that?" Ryoga inquired

"Yes we do have a blonde and redhead that fit that description, who are both available for tonight. All you need is to sign this simple contract and provide an address and time for them to arrive it; cash in advance of course."

THE TENDO DOJO...HE MADE IT BACK THERE SOMEHOW

"You did what?!" Ranma cried at what Ryoga confessed to him. "You actually hired a pair of _strippers_ for tonight?!"

"I thought Kuno would enjoy this more" Ryoga said sheepishly.

"Ryoga, we all agreed to chip in and buy Kuno a tasteful gift of the Samurai themed chess set with the walnut and maple veneer chest board. I promised Akane we would throw him this boy's night in honour of his eighteen birthday and give him a nice gift to thank him for paying for all those vacations we took with him. I had to borrow money from Nabiki to pay for my share and you wouldn't believe what I have to do in return! Akane and I spent hours decorating the dojo yesterday. Kasumi was up late making a samurai themed birthday cake and Mousse and I have spent all day long making finger food for the party guests while Kasumi distracted Akane from helping us. Your one and _only_ job, was to meet Shampoo here; _where you're staying_ so she could walk you over to the store, so her cousin could use his employee discount to help pay for the game and then walk you back here with it. But no, you had to get lost going to the bathroom and use the money to hire strippers! Are you insane? The entire Kendo club is coming here, as well as _any_ person we could think of _remotely_ friendly with Kuno and _strippers_ are supposed to be his gift?" Ranma raged at him.

"It's a very tasteful act, they only strip down to their g-strings. It sounds really clever, they use their bokkens to remove each other's uniforms" Ryoga explained.

Ranma paused at this, picturing Kuno in his uniform and then realized he didn't _wish_ to know how it was removed. "How?" he demanded.

"They wear these reeeeeeeally tiny uniforms that are attached by velcro, so they..." Ryoga explained.

"Enough said; it will have to do. Akane's going to kill me" Ranma stated with a shudder.

SAMURAI GIRLS

The party was in full swing when the girls walked in wearing matching shiny platform heels and stay up black lace topped stocking. But it was their uniforms that brought on the wolf whistles from the boys assembled. The kendogi tops have been shortened within an inch of their lives, to a type of fitted crop top and in place of hamaka pants, they wore loose but form fitting booty shorts.

"What's this?" Kuno asked with a frown.

"It's a gesture in honour of your birthday" Ryoga said, clapping him on the shoulder.

"This is our gift to you" Ranma explained. "Thanks to Ryoga" he muttered under his breath.

"Just enjoy it" Mousse suggested.

Everyone watched in awe as the girls play fought with their bokkens and mainly seemed to run them over each other's bodies and suggestively poke each other between their legs as they pouted, writhed and sighed at the contact. The entire room seemed to hold its breath as the blonde's bokken slipped into the redhead's kendogi top and the velcro came away on one side to reveal a full breast bared almost to the nipple and the entire room seemed to sigh. The redhead retaliated by slipping her own bokken down the blonde's smoothly toned stomach and slipping it into the waistband of her shorts and was just about to pull it away from her body to release the velcro on one side when...Kuno cried. "Enough of this, I have never seen such shoddy forms in my life! Honestly, who did you train with? They should be shot. Besides that, if you're going to spar, you need the proper bogu (kendo armor). Now, I know I have some equipment stored here for emergencies like these. Ah" he cried in triumph and plonked the two oversized face masks over the heads of the two stunned girls, who seemed to be frozen in place by shock, along with every male in the room. He then slung the chest plates over their arms and fastened them in place. "That's better. Take off those ridiculous shoes, you could break an ankle wearing those. We shall give those non-regulation uniforms a pass for now until we can go to another place to remedy them." Kuno said glaring at their offending uniforms. "Now let's work on those forms," Kuno instructed them as he burnished his own bokken towards them

The two pissed off girls ripped the armor from their bodies and the blonde demanded. "Who the hell is _this_ idiot?"

"I'm Tatewaki Kuno" Kuno explained, seeming nonplussed by the idiot reference.

"He's the birthday boy. Pardon him, he's a little...insane" Ranma said, coming out of his shock.

"Please continue with your act, we'll keep an eye on him" Mousse urged them.

"Fuck this; we're out of here!" the redhead snapped.

"I thought your act include a kiss on the cheek for him?" Ryoga called after them.

"Kiss this" the blonde called over her shoulder, giving her pert, but plush rear a pat.

"I'm lost, why did you hire those two to give me such a horrible kendo demonstration? They obviously know nothing about the arts" Kuno mused.

Every boy in the place just glared at him.

"What? Those girls should thank me. They could get seriously hurt if they don't wear the proper equipment for sparring" Kuno said defensively, wondering why everyone looked so pissed off at him.

THE END


End file.
